In German, that means “no”, but you likely already knew that, or figured it out from the fact that we’ve written it in ANGRY CAPITAL LETTERS.
On Thursday, April 22, Blizzard dropped patch number 9 upon us, which is the most significant content patch so far, including over 400 mb of updates, changes, and for the first time since the beginning of the Beta, significant additions.
As mentioned in posts last week, the addition of most importance to Beta fans is the Galaxy Map Editor. Along with that came the promised Marauder fix, as well as the enabling of achievements and decals, an improved friend interface, new graphics, blah, blah, blah.
Damn right, because none of this is relevant if you can’t play the game, and until at least Saturday, that’s what most users experienced. Thanks to the stunning ability of modern technology to find the most spectacular way to break at the most inopportune times, patch number 9 managed to place a gremlin on the wing of the Blizzard downloader, resulting in a fully downloaded patch, but an endless loop in which the patcher would simply finish, restart, and then finish again. Forever.
Many users, including us, assumed it was something wrong on our end, and re-installed the Beta, but to no avail, and thus began the forum posts. It didn’t take us long to find multiple threads describing this same problem, many with “blue-posts” in response. For us, frustrated as we were with the lack of Starcraft, much enjoyment could was derived from reading the calm official Blizzard posts, followed by the increasingly distraught virtual voices of Beta fanatics. It went something like this:
Userl337: OMG mah SCII Beta don’t work. Stuck in a loop need to play.
Blizzard: This is an issue we are aware of. If your downloader is stuck in a loop, please close it.
User1337: I’ve restarted like a million times, but it’s still stuck. Ima leave it open till it works.
Blizzard: That will not be successful. The server is currently down for a wipe. Close the downloader.
User8008: LOL I’m at work but I’ll download it when I get home – it won’t work for you because your all noobs. SCII ruulz.
User8745: My roomies an’ me are all totally downloading it right now. Let’s get all the achieves tonight. Zerg rulez.
Blizzard: The game is currently non-functional. Please close the downloader.
User1337: WORST DAY EVAR. Blizz why you gotta hate!
User8008: Yeah omg, just leave the downloader open for like 5 hrs. Some guy from this tech site totally posted that’s how he got it working again, and like knows someone from Blizz or whatever.
User 8745: IT DOESN’T work! Downloader broken! Why no blue-posts!
Blizzard: The Beta is now over. Please never use your computer again. Thank you.
Truth was, with a little tinkering, the map editor was functional, but the servers, and therefore the game, were a no-go.
We understand the frustration of our gaming brethren – this patch also includes new maps, unit changes and supposedly a better version of the in-game voice chat – all things highly desired by players, but the fact is that Blizzard just needs time to get things running again. Patience, sadly, is a virtue deeply lacking in the gaming community at large and the Starcraft II community in general.
This is exemplified by the extreme anger displayed by many players when their SCII match takes longer than 5 minutes – they just don’t have time for it. Things to do, mom’s basement to clean, a job to not apply for – you know, the usual.
The servers eventually came back up, and patch 9 changes proceeded apace, allowing hardcore fans to get back to what they do best – complaining about the changes in the game, rather than complaining about why it won’t work.
We often ask ourselves how Blizzard stands under the weight of such criticism, but the fact of the matter is that this is their fanbase. We can only imagine what would happen if the thin line between love and hate blurred just that little bit.
User1337: I R hate you, Blizz. Ima blow your place up, but my mom says I can’t haz car.
Blizzard: Yeah. Real close call. For the love of God, close your downloader.
User1337: This is Timmy’s mom. His computer has been taken away. Sorry about the trouble he’s caused.