FT/PT Positions Available. See the galaxy. Die horribly.
Well folks, the Beta has come to an end. After a week of lamenting, crying into our extra-large Slurpee cup and wondering why we were such pathetic wrecks of humanity, Blizzard threw us a bone. Really, its more of a dung-covered bone nubbin, but as SCII fans we’ll take what we can get.
The Starcraft II website is now featuring a “Join the Dominion” campaign, which allows lovers of Starcraft to take an entrance exam to determine their place in the glorious machine that is the army of the Terran Dominion. Most of the questions are not terribly amusing, and fall into the “are you a horrible person, extra-super horrible person, or total wuss?” category.
Le exmaplé:
You find a baby lying in the middle of the street. Do you:
a) Eat the baby. It’s the other, other white meat!
b) Kick the baby as far as you can. You might get a spiral on that thing!
c) Flick your cigar onto the baby. Smoking is awesome for everyone.
d) Pick the baby up, take it home, and raise it to be a Terrorist that hates the Dominion.(examiner notes only: if applicant answers “d”, have him maimed slightly)
See? Not so funny, but high on the “obvious” scale. Still, its an amusing way to pass the time, and when you’re done you will be assigned a “job” within the Terran army. According to our profile, we “lived life to the fullest” due to our penchant for motorcycle crashes (though we never mentioned motorcycles) and were too high a liability in many situations, so they stuck us in a Viking. The description provided made some mention of the fact that the Viking could do a decent Transformers impression, but that it was hard to master true control. In effect – good luck, because you’re going to get BLOWED UP.
They’re Terrans. Blowed up is absolutely in the Dominion Dictionary. We checked. Well, before they burned it, anyway.
Along with this great opportunity for an after-highschool career comes the Dominion propaganda contest. Essentially, this is another submit your photos/videos contest that will theoretically unlock some “special content” in Starcraft II. There’s even a sexy progress bar and everything at the bottom of the page, which currently sits at a whopping 1%.
We’re sure nerds everywhere who think they can draw and film (and those that actually can) will submit their works of art and abomination. We, however, will remain politely neutral and wait for the progress bar to hit 100%.
Will the content be lame? Almost certainly, but its better than nothing.
We’ve made some inquires, and we’re not convinced that a switch to Viking pilot from our current lucrative freelance writing career is really an option right now. We’ve got a family to think about, plus the management seems a little intense for us. Also, the hours are crap and there’s the whole “we’ll likely die on a god-forsaken rock in the rippling stomach fat of the universe” thing, and we’re not into it.
Plus, they don’t offer dental coverage.
WTF is up with that?
